Love that lasts a lifetime is something you don’t hear much today. You mostly hear about the relationships that break up and how the couple had a good run of a couple years like it’s a TV series that got cancelled. That isn’t anything to brag about. You rarely hear much about the couples that have stood the test of time and continue to endure a love that lasts a lifetime.
Bono, the rocker of one of my all time favorite bands U2, will be celebrating his 35 year anniversary with his wife Alison Hewson this August 2017. The cherry on top is that they’re just as romantic and in love with one another today as they were all those decades ago. One of the proofs of that is they recently went on another date to celebrate the first day they had their first date….40 years ago!
Recently, someone asked what kind of relationship two Chinese Oxen born would be together, as I’m a Chinese Ox. They wondered if it would be challenging, but on the contrary. The Chinese Ox born are strong minded, strong willed people, but they’re also the most loyal people of all the animals, and you never want to cross that loyalty as they NEVER forget. Their occasional rage never lets you forget. If it’s a sure thing, they stay.
Bono and Alison are both Chinese Oxen born too, so they’re a beautiful picture image of an Oxen duo that stick with each other until the end through good times and bad. Like any couple, they had their challenges a few years into their marriage where Bono and his band U2 were getting crazy out of control with their success and touring. They released one of the most iconic rock albums in music history named after one my favorite desert destinations they visited, “The Joshua Tree.”
One of the big hits off that album was the classic, “With or Without You”, which Bono wrote for his wife. At the time, it documented the push and pull confusion he was having between the love for his music and being on the road, but also tormented by having this strong domesticated interest and draw to his wife that he wanted to be close too as well. He soon realized that he could put the demons to rest and have both his love and art, as well as his marriage.
In a recent acceptance speech for an award he said, “I asked my wife, Ali, tonight on receiving this award what I should say. And she just repeated what she’s been telling me since we were teenagers, which is, ‘Don’t look down at me, but don’t look up at me either. Look across to me. I’m here.'”
Meaning they are EQUAL. No one is better or less than the other and they’re on this magic carpet ride together. He said that it wasn’t love at first sight for her, she had to work up to that. That’s because while the Ox will more than likely last a lifetime with you, getting to that is almost impossible. It takes a lot of work to get their attention, and then get them to come around is even harder, but once they do start coming around, they never leave.
I’ve met many couples over the years who tell me they’ve been together 10 years, 17 years, 22 years, 31 years, 44 years, and my reaction is always the same. A slight half smile forms and a hazy mist creates a blurry shield over my eyes. It’s the similar pleased reaction Heaven has when they see two souls who have not forgotten to love. ❤️💞🙏
One of the best live performances of the song, With or Without You:
Empowerment, inspirational and self-help books by Kevin Hunter
are available in paperback and kindle wherever books are sold.
Venus Retrograde favors a re-hashing of past relationships, old flames and lovers, but not so much current relationships
A string of classic vintage cars drove down the street with a banner that said, “Just Married.” I mumbled, “Uh-oh. Avoid getting married during a Venus Retrograde. Unless of course it’s an ex who came back into the picture and you’re marrying them during the transit.” Venus Retrograde favors a re-hashing of past relationships, old flames and lovers, but not so much current relationships. Ironically two of my former exes have popped up out of the blue and reached out to me over the last couple of days. I wasn’t surprised, and in fact was expecting it to happen in August sometime, but wasn’t sure of the date. Thought it would be later in the month, but knew it was coming close. When Venus moves Retrograde, you’re prompted to re-evaluate the current state of your connections or past connections to smooth out any rough edges that we’re never resolved. You certainly don’t want to be in that re-evaluating zone while walking down the aisle.
Empowerment, inspirational and self-help books by Kevin Hunter
are available in paperback and kindle wherever books are sold.
Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones go at it together to save their marriage in the movie, “Hope Springs”.
Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones go at it together to save their marriage in the movie, “Hope Springs”. Want to know how to make your relationship work? You both have to care about it and get into it.
This was a lovely film about an older couple who has been married for 31 years. They both have settled into the routine of their lives. The wife is very aware that it has grown stale and she longs to have that spark put back into their relationship. The husband doesn’t understand this, but when he realizes he might lose her and that she is serious, he unwillingly goes along with it. What truly makes this movie are the two lead actors, Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. They both offer exceptional performances bringing comedy and drama into a real life situation. Meryl ads just the right girlishness into her character, Kay, while Tommy invokes a guy cut off from all emotion as her Husband, Arnold.
Although these days I wonder who is still around that has been married for 31 years. My generation doesn’t seem to have a handle on long term relationships to begin with. They do not know how to make it work or are even aware of what it truly entails. It’s not all hearts and roses. This movie would be a great documentary on how to show that marriage and long term relationships are serious business.
Kay enrolls she and her husband into a week long extensive couples therapy session in Hope Springs, Maine. It’s a quaint, cottage like town where everyone knows that many of the visitors are there to meet up with the head couples counselor, Dr. Feld, played by Steve Carrell. Kay is desperate to revive her marriage at all costs and Arnold will be forced to get into it whether he likes it or not.
Do they find a newness in each other and passion for what was once there? You’ll have to see the movie to find out. I enjoyed this look at a married couple finding an avenue to breath new life into their relationship. It was very honest and moving. The movie manages to keep it light while finding just the right moments to bring in the emotion. This is mainly successful due to the gifted actors playing the roles. In less capable hands, this movie would’ve fallen into a snooze fest. Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones are a delight to watch in action.
Other movie goers who prefer the blow ’em blockbusters that move at a fast pace will likely be bored with this though. I imagine those not knowing much about the seriousness of relationships will also likely want to slit their wrists while watching this. I loved it and I think anyone who has had problems in a long term relationship will be moved by this movie. If you enjoy character driven stories, then you may like this as well.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
Adultery was once punishable by law and as severe as imprisonment and the death penalty. It’s frowned upon and close ones ostracize you. Those who cheat can be gay or straight, male or female, religious or atheist, Republican or Democrat. There is no way to determine who is more likely to cheat and who would be monogamous.
A man who is seen as a player or who gets around can be the one who is monogamous for life when he meets the right person. A guy who has had minimal experience and not that many partners and appears to be a good natured moral citizen can be the one that ends up cheating.
They used to brand you with the Scarlet Letter “A” for ‘Adulterer.’ Having that around can definitely help on our search and in whom to rule out.
I have to take matters into my own hands. Cheating is an addiction, like drugs, alcohol and sex. It has even been linked to a mental disorder. If you’re an alcoholic whose hit rock bottom and sought out help, I commend you, but you’ll never fool me into believing that the thought of picking up a drink never occurs to you. It’s inescapable that when things get too tough you crumble and reach out to the one thing that gave you comfort five years ago.
It isn’t the physical involvement with someone other than your mate. It’s also kissing, flirting, trading and sharing those racy photos of yourself with this private conquest that you keep hidden out of view from me. You’re sloppy about it and I catch you. I burn your clothes and throw you out. You break it off with the suitor and ask me for forgiveness. I take you back, but you’ve become risky material to get involved with, not to mention used meat. You’re incapable of being in a faithful relationship. You took a bite into the apple and fell into this other guy’s bed giving indication of what you’ll have no problem doing again.
You see, cheating is like any malady, except it’s dishonest. Some do it because their guy doesn’t satisfy them sexually or neglects them emotionally. Some do it because of a lack of confidence or they like the attention from someone new. To say it won’t happen again is a cop out, because it will. You can’t escape the pain and conflict within you that drives you to seek out affections from another. Instead of getting yourself dirty in the symbolic sense and doing the real work in fixing your relationship, you give into temptation and emerge with this man that you’ve kept hidden from me. You open up Pandora’s Box and the flood gates open. It’s too late to have an honest discussion, because you’re already in the doghouse.
What did Jesus say, “If you’ve done it in your mind, you’ve already done it.”
Infidelity is the most unforgivable, over murder. The bottom line is, you cheat on me then you ain’t leavin’ until the cops show up.
You don’t know how it happened. You were in the same room with him. You got to talking and he filled that void inside of you that the guy you were supposed to be the most intimate with wasn’t giving you. You did it and you’ve begun an emotional affair. You have low self-esteem and self worth. The only way out is to emerge with a totally new person to see if that guy can fulfill you in the way your boyfriend isn’t doing. Your new bitch will never be able to match that.
Cheating is not a topic taken lightly no matter which side of the fence you sit on. There are cultures that use their old fashioned philosophies as a badge of honor and a sense of entitlement to have more than one spouse. The same way there are those that believe in open relationships. You know the kind, where you’re involved with a dude who doesn’t satisfy you 100% of the time, and you take on these others in addition to your main squeeze to fulfill that missing piece in you.
Open relationships should be called what they are, friends with benefits. Open relationships are not real relationships.
If you’re dating or involved with a guy and you find yourself in a situation that could potentially jeopardize what you have, then gain enough willpower to extricate yourself from the situation. If you’re questioning following through with someone new, then there are issues within you that you need to be able to discuss with your partner. Setting off to cheat and crossing that invisible line will lead to irrevocable damage to your relationship.
If you find it difficult to be with one person, well you don’t have to be, but be honest to the one you’re with ahead of time so there are no surprises. There’s no question that people grow apart, but marriages and relationships are filled with peaks and valleys, it’s always going to be high’s and low’s. If it’s continuously in the slumps and you’ve both been indefinitely down in the valley, then it’s time to become an adult and take some mature steps to graciously ending it.
Couples grow too far apart and are unable to mend what’s been long dead. Unable to work through it with some form of counseling and all means necessary. Re-create your honeymoon for a long weekend together or take a week to not speak to one another for complete solace and space and assist in giving you the clarity you both need.
Try putting the moves on him if you want sex. If he doesn’t put out and keeps resisting, then bring it up. It’s common for couples to go through a dry spell. They get comfortable in the routine together and stop being passionate.
Frank kept Daniel on the side while he developed a friendship with another potential behind his back. He abruptly changed his status to ‘in a relationship’ with the new guy and didn’t tell Daniel. Daniel found out by seeing the change.
Most would be angry or hurt to find that their love was emotionally invested in another over finding out they fucked them. All found both a crime, but when forced to choose they all went with the emotional affair being the worst slight.
Okay, okay you slept with someone else, fine, whatever I don’t want to know, but you’re invested emotionally, now we have problems. One is not better than the other because you’ve taken one foot outside your relationship. You’re relationship is over.
Infidelity is universal and no one approves of it except the cheater, although often times the swindler is experiencing their own anxiety and torment over what they feel pulled to do. It’s not that the bond is broken, but the one that was deceived feels they devoted time into a worthless cause. They begin to rebuild themselves and their life back up. They didn’t do anything erroneous, but the one they chose to be with did to their relationship. This isn’t to say that the one being swindled on is a saint either. There are other motives people have when they stray. The guy they are with isn’t satisfying them enough in any way or they are cruel. Either care about the relationship enough to improve it or end it.
As someone who was cheated on once said, “Whoever said how high the road should be, should be shot.”
You’ve kicked your lover to the curb because they were fucking someone else. Get back out there on your own and willfully bring along this baggage with you. You have more to strip away than the cheater, but you’ll be that much stronger and gettable. Your man inflicted harm out of a selfish need because either his desires weren’t being met or he was horny. The treachery hurts because of the love you had once felt for him. Once he’s dated or been intimate with another, the bond is broken and difficult to repair. With the billions of people in the world why would you take him back when you can be with a man who would never consider doing that?
One way to begin recovery is to fuck someone better. This will be easier for you to do, as you will likely get an improved partner since you were previously with a dog. You’re vulnerable and susceptibility is attractive to new guys who want to romance you. It shows the potential suitor you’re committed because you’ve made it known to the world how strongly you feel about those that betray you.
Avoid attracting a similar guy in and repeating the cycle. If you do, this is a karmic thread concern that you need to break by learning your lesson and knowing your worth.
You work it out and don’t walk away. You put on a fighter mentality with everything including your relationships. It should be sink or swim with you and you should choose to swim.
Excerpt from “Dude 101“
“The National Organization of Marriage wastes money and energy on ridiculous beliefs when there is real suffering going on in this country. They’re an embarrassment to humanity and society. I wish nothing more than for them to be shown their higher selves and begin operating from that place so that their own spirits can grow.”