Blog Archives

You should have a zero tolerance policy for any meanness, negativity or drama from someone.

Kevin Hunter's photo.

Another question from a reader: “How can you keep showing love to someone when they are unkind to you?” You should have a zero tolerance policy for any meanness, negativity or drama from someone. There is a difference between loving someone from afar without getting caught up in their drama or toxic energy, to choosing to keep them at arm’s length if you don’t want them to go away. It might be a family member, parent, sibling, friend or colleague. It can be someone where it’s seemingly not easy to cut them out of your life permanently. Because you do love the goodness in them, but no one should put themselves in a position where they’re a punching bag. They might not even be mean towards you, but will be harshly complaining about someone where you just feel down after communicating with them.

Having your energy drained by others is real. Those who are doing the energy draining are not necessarily aware of this fact or even aware that they’re doing that. You can be an exceptionally good compassionate person yourself and not realize when you’re in the midst of behaving in a negative way. We’re human and it’s going to happen from time to time. You just want to be aware of that when it does happen. What we’re talking about here is someone who is always negative or toxic every time you connect with them.

When negative energy from someone else is around you, then you want to steer clear of it and not become consumed by it or drown in it. If you stay around it, then this will bring you down, darken your aura, and lower your vibration. All of these phrases mean the same thing. If you are a sensitive, or in tune to energies beyond the physical world, then you cannot deny how it makes you feel when you’re around someone who is toxic. You can have love for them and still choose not to engage with them full time. Connect with them in small doses and then wrap it up by being assertive and point blank saying that you need to go. They might react in a tantrum, but don’t fall into guilt. You have to think of you first.

Everyone is living their own path and no one can live it for them. If someone chooses to head down a self destructive path, no one can stop them. They have to want to change on their own. You can be polite when they reach out to you, but blow in and out quickly. This way they’re not around long enough to infiltrate your area with their toxins. So the key is to say, “I have love for them and wish them well, but we don’t engage much. When we do, I stand in a place of emotional detachment.”

~  Kevin Hunter

www.kevin-hunter.com

Empowerment, inspirational and self-help books by Kevin Hunter
are available in paperback and kindle wherever books are sold.


  

Ask Jagger: Guy on Grindr is Difficult to Make Plans With

Dear Jagger,

I met up with this guy a few weeks ago via grindr. It was just a casual encounter, but somehow I feel like I’m developing feelings for him. I’ve been trying to hang out with him again, not just for a hookup, but it hasn’t happened yet. He will text back and hold a conversation but he’s always too busy to do anything. I’m starting to wonder if he’s avoiding me or not interested. It’s a strange situation since I’m bisexual and haven’t had strong feelings for a male before, and he’s not completely sure whether he is gay or not. I’m not sure how to tell him I want to get to know him more without coming on too strong. I’m also wondering if I should ask him if he wants me to stop contacting him because he’s been very difficult to make plans with. 
 
Sam

Dear Sam,

From the timeline when your email was sent and in estimating when you connected with this guy, this was around Mid-March during the Mercury Retrograde phase.  Everyone is unavailable and unable to pin down a date to connect during that transit.  Now that we are passed all of that I’m curious to know if he’s come around as the probability is likely or he that he would have just fallen to the wayside.

All planetary talk aside:

You both have a common thread going on at this juncture in your lives.  You are both in an exploring phase testing the waters to find out what it is you both want and are attracted to.

It can be difficult to resist a physical connection with someone you have just met, but typically when that is how a relationship starts that’s usually where it ends.  There are exceptions to that rule of course, but I don’t speak in specifics.

You have been meeting more than half way attempting to meet with him again.  He is not being responsive so the best thing to do would be to back off.  Let him know you’re interested in hanging out instead of going out, but that you are going to leave the ball in his court.  Let him also know that if he’s interested in hanging out, then to hit you up.  I would not imply that you want to go out on a date as that will scare him off.  With this one you’ll have to ease him in slowly as if he’s just a friend.  You’ll have a chance to get to know him better on a friend basis if he agrees.  When someone is really interested in you, then they are going to let you know.  Even if they are too busy, they will suggest something like, “This is a busy week, but I am available next week on Tuesday and would love to do get together.”

Grindr can be a great way to meet people, but many people on there may not have the relationship seeking intentions that you might have.  It’s not impossible, but unfortunately the odds are slim.  The majority of those guys tend to be looking to get it on more than anything else.  The connections are typically short lived.

Jagger

If you have a question you’d like answered specifically around dating, relationships, love or any other pressing issue then shoot an email to “Ask Jagger” at dudelit@gmail.com  Be sure to leave certain information that you feel applies to your case whether you’re straight, gay, male or female.  Your name will not be used unless you approve.

All advice and information is intended as a general guide and for entertainment purposes only.   It should not be a replacement for treatment.

More Ask Jagger columns here

 

Never Jump into a Relationship Right Away. This is a dating rule in Dude 101.

Do you ever find that those around you suddenly get into a relationship with someone you had never heard of?  That’s because they just met less than two weeks ago.  It will be over within six weeks.  These are the same people that abuse their Facebook status by switching it to ‘in a relationship’ only to abruptly switch it back to ‘single’ in less than six weeks.  Everyone is devastated and sorry.  Sorry for what?  Anyone could have predictably nailed the outcome of it.

Relationships that start off like that never last because they’re not real relationships.  Typically what needs to happen and how it works is there is a courting and dating process that goes on for awhile before it becomes a full fledged relationship.  This is the mature road to a successful long term union.  No matter how into someone you are, you are simply dating when you first meet.  Dating is the process of elimination.  You’re dating to find out whether or not you’re a match.  You’re getting to know the person to see if they are someone you can exclusively see yourself having a serious REAL relationship with.

Dude 101

Paperback

Kindle

On Twitter: @kevinsbeach
On Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/kevinhunterofficial
Subscribe on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/kevinsbeach

www.kevin-hunter.com

Ask Jagger: I Had a Hookup That Grew More Serious and Ended Abruptly

Dear Jagger,

I just got out of an 8 month long relationship…it was on and off though and had a lot of drama…mostly my fault. After things just ended so quickly, I tried to just be friends with him. I texted and waited in front of his place and even bought basketball tickets, which I had to just sell off immediately for a lower price. In the end, when I asked him if he wanted to see me, he said no.

 

This is my first serious relationship ever, where it started out as a hookup and ended up being more serious. We were very physically active as well. Thinking back, I just realize that I missed out on a really great guy. He said he liked me at first and wanted to date me. He bought dinners. If only I had a time machine to go back and smack myself. Both of us were not out, although I was still experimenting and he had more experience with guys than I did. I guess what was devastating for me is that things ended so quickly. It’s only been over a week since we last talked where I finally realized that he did not want to see me anymore, but I still have thoughts of us getting back together and about the good times we had. Maybe because it’s still new and he was my first serious relationship, but I don’t know whether I can get over this guy. He was able to find another guy, which he seems serious about. I also hooked up with other guys as well, which I am not proud of. I guess I just need more time.

How do you move on from serious heartbreak?

Brian.

Dear Brian,

I don’t want to diminish the feelings you had, but 8 months is not a long term relationship.  It’s dating.  Dating is the process of elimination and you date someone to see if you’re both a match and to see if it can develop into a serious relationship down the line.  If there was drama that soon into it, then that is a red flag.  You can’t go into a new dating situation with drama.  There is no way for him to get into something serious with someone that quickly.  That’s not serious, but terminal.

You had a brief hot, passionate affair that burned out abruptly.  When the union is based primarily on passion then that can bring out the drama.  You were attracted to the rush, excitement and newness of this and displayed fears that it would end.  With the next guy, don’t get attached too quickly as easy as that can be.  Communicate.  Make sure you’re both facing forward in the same direction and have the same interests.  Right now you’re missing the fun you two had, but as trite as this will sound, over time that will fade.  Don’t contact him and remove all traces of him.  You’ll find someone else to have fun with where there won’t be any drama.

This ended abruptly and you both immediately had sex with other people instead of working out your issues.  He got a whiff of this drama and said that this isn’t something he’s interested involved in.  He made his choice and is being smart.  You need to take a step back and take the lessons you’ve learned from this as not all dating scenarios are meant to go the distance.  This is why we date often and have several relationships or sometimes more before the real deal comes in because by then you’ve had enough experience on knowing what to do, what not to do as well as what you’ll tolerate up front and what you won’t.

If you have a question you’d like answered specifically around dating, relationships, love or any other pressing issue then shoot an email to “Ask Jagger” at dudelit@gmail.com  Be sure to leave certain information that you feel applies to your case whether you’re straight, gay, male or female.  Your name will not be used unless you approve.

Jagger is featured in the books “Jagger’s Revolution” about finding his current relationship and Jagger’s dating hand guide, “Dude 101“.  Jagger is the dark alter ego of writer Kevin Hunter. All advice and information is intended as a general guide and for entertainment purposes only. 

More Ask Jagger columns here

also available in kindle

 
Copyright © 2012 Kevin Hunter

I’m a writer and like an actor who often stays in character, I am that actor and that artist who stays in the zone long when I’m creating.

“There are a lot of people approaching me this past week asking what’s wrong and that I seem depressed etc.  I’m doing just fine.  I’m a writer and like an actor who often stays in character, I am that actor and that artist who stays in the zone long when I’m creating.  I don’t abruptly pull out just like in sex.  I’ve been in heavy creation mode on my next book since the beginning of September.  This is a huge spiritual project that’s jam-packed with an immeasurable amount of revealing information that will help a lot of people.  Because it’s channeled through spirit it leaves me intellectually drained even though there is a rush or high during the process.   I’ve been in the middle of an emotionally painful section the last couple weeks that is excruciating to go through, but necessary, and that’s the aftermath that many are witnessing when they see me.  If I ask you to fuck off, please know that I mean that with love and don’t take it personally.  I do appreciate you.”

-Kevin Hunter

Ask Jagger: The Guy I Met In a Bar Stopped Contacting Me

Dear Jagger,

I was at a bar that I often go to a few weeks ago when I saw this really cute guy sitting across the bar. He was smiling there and had amazing energy. I don’t usually don’t approach guys (too shy), but was drawn to him and found myself introducing myself. He was so nice and we had an amazing time.  I told him I had a date the next day, but would cancel if I had a better offer. We went on one of the best dates of my life. We went out to dinner, talked about our families and more. We both seem to be headed in the same direction, but to be honest my income is smaller.

He took me home that night after a drink at the same bar and we cuddled till he drove me to work at 5:30AM!  As stupid as it is I had thought that this time it would be different.

The next date was ok, but he spent the whole night complaining about the movie.  He always said it was uncomfortable when I put my arm around him (seating wise).  We planned a date two days ago, which he cancelled, but offered to go out and go to my place yesterday which he cancelled 30 minutes after he was supposed to pick me up.  I was so sad (already stressed from needing to move in less than a month and my job is sucking).  He asked me to go to lunch with him today and I hesitantly agreed.  Should I be mad?  If he blows me off again I’m done. He hasn’t confirmed lunch today and I haven’t heard from him.  I’m 23.

Signed,

Concerned

Dear Concerned,

You’re coming to grips with the realities of the modern day dating world.  You got too close too quickly and this scared him off.  You’re not going to meet a quality relationship guy in a bar.  You may meet a satisfying intimate encounter as you did here for one night, but it won’t turn into anything more than that.  People in bars are either desperately lonely or looking to have some fun, they’re not looking for their husband.

This is a lesson for you to take it slow with the next guy.  It’s understandable to become giddy with excitement over a new prospect, but when you get overly anxious you find yourself behaving in ways that you wished you hadn’t.  It’s always important to take it slow and understand that some people also have busy lives.  This is still no excuse for him to be flaky and uncommunicative when it comes to making plans with someone.  You got a taste of how it would be if you both sealed the deal at a later date.  Something tells me that this would’ve frustrated you in the end anyway.

You’re stressing out over your job and with making a physical move.  This is not the time to attach yourself to a new love interest.  Make sure you’re at a place of contentment before you attempt to dive into a relationship.

If you have a question you’d like answered specifically around dating, relationships, love or any other pressing issue then shoot an email to “Ask Jagger” at dudelit@gmail.com  Be sure to leave certain information that you feel applies to your case whether you’re straight, gay, male or female.  Your name will not be used unless you approve.

Jagger is featured in the books “Jagger’s Revolution” about finding his current relationship and Jagger’s dating hand guide, “Dude 101“.  Jagger is the dark alter ego of writer Kevin Hunter. All advice and information is intended as a general guide and for entertainment purposes only. 

More Ask Jagger columns here

also available in kindle

 
Copyright © 2012 Kevin Hunter

Ask Jagger: I Have a Crush On a Guy Who Says I’m Too Young To Date

Dear Jagger

I met a guy 3 years older than me (I’m 15, He’s 18). At the beginning (October 2011) he was always nice, smiling at me (but didn’t stare at me) and I thought that he liked me. One day he saw me with some 9th graders and he seemed surprised. After a month I told him by chat that I like him and to tell nobody. On the next day I asked him by chat again if there was any chance for me to stay with him, and he said no and that I’m too young for him. He told me that I should find someone else my age.

I asked a mutual friend to ask him what does he think about me and this friend told me that he thinks that I am pretty, but too young. He also said that if I was older he wouldn’t mind being my boyfriend.

It’s been 1 year (October 2012) and we still don’t talk and some guys told me that they knew I like him and one of the guys told me that he don’t believe that the boy I like will change his opinion about me. But he (the boy I like) is confusing me because he is smiling and staring at me with his mouth half open (I read that’s a sign that he is feeling attracted) all the time. One day he made me a seductive glance and he wasn’t paying attention to his friends while staring at me. Sometimes when he sees me, his face is like surprised and with the mouth half open. When I’m closer, he does that and he looks me in the eyes.

I seriously don’t understand him. If you could clear my mind, I appreciate it. Thank you.

(Sorry about the English)

Rita

Dear Rita,

It can be a wonderful feeling having a love crush on someone and knowing that they may be possibly crushing on you as well. However, there is one temporary setback in this situation. He is curious and interested in you, but he’s also being smart. You are not that much younger than him, but in the eyes of the law you are. A three year age difference is nothing, but it is something when you are 15 and he is 18. I don’t know what state you’re writing from, but in many states you’re not of legal age until 18. It can get messy if you date an 18 year old. 

{Paragraph removed due to the censorship police being offended by the truth dictated in this particular column and I say fuck you to that}

He’s showing good judgment and restraint by not pursuing anything as he knows it could be trouble in the end. However, once you’re 18 and he’s 21 then it’s no longer a big deal. It’s funny how an age difference suddenly becomes irrelevant as you get older. If he’s the one and this is a union that’s meant to happen, then the opportunity to explore something will still be there. In the meantime, if you truly do like him, then build a friendship with him for now. Let him know you’re perfectly willing to see where you’re both at when you turn 18 with the possibility of a relationship. This will also give you plenty of time to get to know him, and see if your feelings for him are still the same and haven’t changed. You should always be friends with someone first before you get involved with them.

I’m showing one stage or cycle coming to an end and a new one beginning. This can present an opportunity for something even greater down the line. Surrender this need to have him in a relationship at this time. Remember that you are not giving up on what you want; you are simply giving up on trying to control the outcome of this. Trust that everything will be resolved in your best interest in the end. In the meantime, use this time to get to know him as a friend. If you need to work more of this out, please don’t hesitate to contact me again.

 

If you have a question you’d like answered specifically around dating, relationships, love or any other pressing issue then shoot an email to “Ask Jagger” at dudelit@gmail.com  Be sure to leave certain information that you feel applies to your case whether you’re straight, gay, male or female.  Heartbreak and love troubles are an equal opportunity killer.  Everyone can relate to these circumstances by putting themselves in your shoes.

Jagger is featured in the books “Jagger’s Revolution” about his journey to finding his current relationship and his dating hand guide, “Dude 101“. Jagger is the dark alter ego of writer Kevin Hunter. All advice and information is intended as a general guide and for entertainment purposes only. 

More Ask Jagger columns here

 

 

 

 

 

 

also available in kindle

 
Copyright © 2012 Kevin Hunter

Ask Jagger: It’s Been One Day and This Great Guy Has Disappeared.

Dear Jagger,

Advice needed.  I’m a 32 year old guy.

I met a guy who I instantly clicked with online last weekend. We quickly exchanged numbers and began texting and had a good phone conversation. He seemed to be a quality person and we had so many similarities I suggested that we meet this past Monday.  So we went and had coffee and had a very nice time…no first meeting awkwardness or anything like that. We left and agreed to keep talking. As we texted the next day or so he on his own accord mentions about wanting to go on a second date and even sends me random texts that say ‘how cute he thought I was’ to which I would reciprocate and now suddenly for the last day or so he has gone almost totally silent.

I guess I am just frustrated as this was someone I was pretty excited about getting to know and see where it might lead. Maybe I am overreacting but for as much communication as we had at first it’s weird for him to essentially disappear when he was showing all the signs of interest and then suddenly he is gone.

Should I wait to hear from him again? Or should I call or text him in the next day or so if I haven’t heard from him?

Signed, 

Brian

Dear Brian,

It’s only been one day.  You need to take it down a notch.  When two people meet and have chemistry initially there is wonderful communication flowing back and forth, but this dies down or goes up and down.  I understand you getting overly excited and giddy over this guy, but its time to take a step back.  Do this so that you don’t drive yourself into emotional turmoil.  You’re not 17, you’re 32.  Find some hobbies and things you enjoy doing to occupy your time.  You can never, ever rush love or a relationship.  It’s safe to text him after a few days and see how he’s doing.  I would even suggest waiting a week if you haven’t heard from him, but something tells me you’re not going to do that.

If this guy is interested in continuing in getting to know you then he will pop back up.  However, if he does pop back up, there will be times where he won’t.  If you don’t take it easy with this and allow your over excitement to get the best of you, then you may kill any potential relationship forming with this guy in the long run.  This is what they’re showing me at this time.  I say this with love so that you can prepare and armor yourself and use this opportunity to let go of your need to control the outcome of how this is going to go.

Read “Dude 101” to discover how to navigate through love, dating and relationships.  It’s an easy, quick and fun read where you’ll also learn how to discover if someone’s interested in you and what not to do so you don’t blow it.

 

If you have a question you’d like answered specifically around dating, relationships, love or any other pressing issue then shoot an email to “Ask Jagger” at dudelit@gmail.com  Be sure to leave certain information that you feel applies to your case whether you’re straight, gay, male or female.  Heartbreak and love troubles are an equal opportunity killer.  Everyone can relate to these circumstances by putting themselves in your shoes.

Jagger is featured in the books “Jagger’s Revolution” about his journey to finding his current relationship and his dating hand guide, “Dude 101“. Jagger is the dark alter ego of writer Kevin Hunter. All advice and information is intended as a general guide and for entertainment purposes only. 

More Ask Jagger columns here

also available in kindle

 
Copyright © 2012 Kevin Hunter

Ask Jagger: What’s the Difference Between Dating and Becoming Someone’s Boyfriend?

Dear Jagger,

I was discussing with a friend what the difference between dating is and when you become someone’s boyfriend and we had very different responses. 

For me, dating is when you are first getting to know someone and deciding if you like them or not.  You become someone’s boyfriend once you’ve gone on a couple of dates and realize that you want to be exclusive with them and agree that you both are interested in maybe becoming more later down the road. 

My friend says that two people dating is them still getting to know each other. Two people as boyfriends is two people saying that this is it, this is the one, I’m going to marry this person.

What is your opinion?

Signed, 

Sam

Dear Sam,

Dating is the path that leads to long term relationship, commitment, marriage.  You are correct in that dating is the process of elimination.  You’re both deciding if this is someone you want to continue seeing indefinitely.  Some people date each other for years exclusively before they decide to tie the knot.  Tying the knot does not necessarily mean ‘marriage, its any kind of commitment acknowledgment.  Others wait a month or two before they begin using these titles.  There are no set parameters.

You’re inaccurate as far as you going on a couple of dates then becoming their boyfriend.  How’s that workin’ for ya?  Because that’s way too fast to start slapping on the labels.  You don’t know anything or enough about this person to be committing so fast.  You’re still at the ‘idealizing’ them stage.  Let some of those blinders fade a bit before you cling too tightly.  This seems to be common among two people of the same sex.  They want to get it on and get a move on with it, but this is also why those unions end in under a month or two.

There is no rushing it when it comes to the seriousness of a relationship with someone.  If you’re not looking for longevity then jump on in before testing out the waters.

When you’re dating someone then the natural trajectory is you become ‘boyfriends’.  By this time you’ve already learned enough about them as far as what they’re looking for in a relationship.  At this point you also already know if they’re the committed type or the non-committal type.  Even though you’ve become ‘boyfriends’ and you’re using the title, you’re still technically dating.  You’re dating until there’s a point in the relationship where you both know this is it and want to take it to the next plateau.  This can be a simple acknowledgment that you’re both in a committed long term relationship and for others ‘marriage’.  This generally isn’t for at least six months to a year of dating.

Wait at least 18 months before moving in together because by that time the honeymoon blush will have worn off and you’ll know if it’s working or not.   Other couples choose to keep separate residences for quite a long time, but this also varies from couple to couple.  I also naturally assume that when two people are boyfriends that it’s telepathically known that you’re exclusive to one another.  But that’s just me, for some it may need to be brought up if you’re unsure.

 

If you have a question you’d like answered specifically around dating, relationships, love or any other pressing issue then shoot an email to “Ask Jagger” at dudelit@gmail.com  Be sure to leave certain information that you feel applies to your case whether you’re straight, gay, male or female.  Your name will not be used unless you approve.

Jagger is featured in the books “Jagger’s Revolution” about his journey to finding his current relationship and his dating hand guide, “Dude 101“. Jagger is the dark alter ego of writer Kevin Hunter. All advice and information is intended as a general guide and for entertainment purposes only. 

More Ask Jagger columns here

also available in kindle

 
Copyright © 2012 Kevin Hunter

Ask Jagger: I Let Him Get Away, But I Still Love Him

Dear Jagger,

I’m 21, a guy, bisexual and currently not out. In April 2011 (when i was 19) I met an incredible guy, who I will refer to as – Mark.  When I was away at school, we had amazing chemistry and spent some really great time together. When I say amazing chemistry – I’m talking something that I’ve never experienced before – emotionally, sexually, everything, it was unreal. So Mark asked me way back then if there was any way I thought we could take things in the direction of a relationship, I told him that thought I did as I really liked him, but I wasn’t ready for a relationship with a guy. In my mind there were just too many obstacles facing me and the idea of being in a relationship with him, though in retrospect that was what I wanted more than anything.

After that, we drifted apart, I really missed him but figured I’d eventually get over him. Truth be told, I couldn’t stop thinking about him everyday. In late August 2011, I bumped into him on campus, and he suggested we hangout sometime soon, and said that he’d be leaving at the end of the month to move to another city for grad school. We met a few days later and spent an amazing night together. One of the things he told me was “You’re a great, great guy.  When you’re ready, you’re going to have no problem finding someone. I can see myself with someone like you.” I wanted so badly for that person to be me, but at the time it still seemed so impossible.  What was I thinking?

A few days later he moved away to a city about 1.5 hrs away. He invited me to come visit him and go to a concert together in the fall, but I wasn’t able to make it. I spent a long, long time trying to forget about him, but was never able to. In the meantime I got into a relationship with a girl. Mark and I would still text occasionally, but that dwindled away by winter.

In late June 2012, I was coming home from work and randomly decided to go into a grocery store that I never go to, believe it or not – Mark was inside the front door. He was in town for a few days/  It was so wonderful to see him after so long, but at the same time so painful as well. In my head I started thinking that he must not have wanted to see me – since he was in town and didn’t bother telling me. He suggested though that we meet up the next day, so we did. He bought us coffee and we went for a walk.  He told me that he was seeing someone and I told him that I was too. It was horrible. However, since that run in, Mark and I started texting again, and he’d text me telling me about things like a song that reminded him of me.  In one text he told me that I’d looked “really good last time” he saw me.

A few weeks ago, I broke up with the girl I was seeing – it really wasn’t working for various reasons. This came up in a text convo with Mark and he told me that he was also now single. I was ecstatic at the fact that he was single.  I’ve reached a point where I can’t believe how much time I wasted when I could have been with someone that I love. If he would take me now, I would be with him in a heartbeat. However, I’m not sure if he still feels the same about me. I have felt so sick lately trying to figure out what to do about this. He’s been away on a trip with friends.  I’ve been working, but come September we’ll just be 1.5 hrs away again. I did text him one day and said “it’d be great to see you again Mark.  I’d really like to talk sometime. Maybe we could meet up when you’re back in Ottawa.” He replied and said – “Yeah that’d be nice, maybe we could combine with a concert.” That was about a week ago. Since that conversation, I haven’t heard much from him.

So this is what I’m trying to figure out – does he still like me?

What if he meets someone before I have a chance to see him and tell him exactly how I feel?  I know I’m biased, but he seriously is one of the most amazing guy’s I’ve ever met/seen)

This is all driving me crazy, and I feel a really strong compulsion to tell him how I feel. I want to do this face to face. I’ve even been thinking of texting him and asking if he’d be free on such and such a day, tell him that I really need to talk to him, and that I’ll take a bus to come meet up, even just for a coffee. Any opinions on this idea? I don’t want him to think I’m crazy either though.

I guess my options are:

-wait until some concert comes up in Ottawa and he invites me down

-tell him that I need to come see him to talk about things (and tell him how I feel about him)

-ask him if we can skype/phone sometime to talk, but maybe that would feel impersonal..

PLEASE let me know what you think about this whole situation, I am beating myself up so bad over the fact that I may have let such a good thing go. I recognize that I might have a chance at it now, and I really, really don’t want to lose it. Thank you so much!

Signed, 

James

Dear James,

Thank you for pouring your heart out.  Now tell HIM all this.  He’s stated his feelings and attraction for you each time he’s connected with you.  This is over the course of a year.  He obviously feels the same way and has not wavered so just tell him.  Let him know you’d like to meet up with him in person.  Tell him when you’re with him how you feel.  If he’s unable to meet in person then over the phone or via text is acceptable as a last resort.  You don’t need to lay it on thick.  If he says he’s with someone else or not ready, then tell him that’s fine, but that if things should ever change to let you know as you’re open to exploring it.  And then let him think about it.  Don’t beat yourself up over the outcome.  You’re still at an age where you’re experiencing life and figuring out what you want and who you are.  How you feel today will likely be different in five years.  When couples who are together accept these changes and adapt to one another that’s where longevity comes in.  I’m sending you a copy of my book, “Jagger’s Revolution” which is all about having an intense crush on someone.  It is exciting, passionate and sexual.  I won’t tell you what the outcome is, but it is a good one. : )

 

 

If you have a question you’d like answered specifically around dating, relationships, love or any other pressing issue then shoot an email to “Ask Jagger” at dudelit@gmail.com  Be sure to leave certain information that you feel applies to your case whether you’re straight, gay, male or female.  Your name will not be used unless you approve.

Jagger is featured in the books “Jagger’s Revolution” about his journey to finding his current relationship and his dating hand guide, “Dude 101“. Jagger is the dark alter ego of writer Kevin Hunter. All advice and information is intended as a general guide and for entertainment purposes only. 

More Ask Jagger columns here

also available in kindle

 
Copyright © 2012 Kevin Hunter
%d bloggers like this: