Should I unfriend or block my ex on social media?
Posted by Kevin Hunter
Should I unfriend or block my ex on social media?
Should you unfriend or block your ex on social media? That’s a question I’ve been receiving in abundance over the years. What should you do?
The #1 rule to do if an ex broke up with you is to stop contacting them. Arguing, pleading, or crying is not going to make them change their mind. If someone chose to leave you, then they already had it in their mind to do so long before they officially did it. If you were the one that was left, then that should wake you up to say, “Wait a minute, you don’t like me? You don’t want to be with me? Well, that just killed my erection.” It should be a turn off when someone decides they no longer want to be with you. Unfortunately, for some that’s easier said then done. There are numerous reasons as to why someone chooses to leave you, so we’ll stick with generalities.
A part of you might feel like there is a chance that you could get back together with your ex. Maybe the break up was premature or there were some minor issues that broke it up where the possibility of reconcilement is not an outlandish notion. Grounds for firing and eliminating them would be repetitive abuse of any kind or cheating, but if neither of those was the cause for break up, then you might feel there is a chance you could get back together at a later date.
If you have zero feelings for your ex and have no interest in ever getting back together with them, but you don’t hate them, then it’s harmless to keep them on your social media page. You won’t be bothered seeing their posts or seeing them post photos of them with new lovers should that happen eventually. If you’re not interested in getting your ex back, then it doesn’t matter if you leave them on your social media account or not.
For those that want their ex back, then the first answer is to unfriend them. Part of not contacting them means they’re not constantly in your face everytime you log into your social media account. You might even choose to go so far as to block them, so you can’t get into a game where they are trying to re-add you. When someone chooses to leave you, then that should be a turn off. If you still feel there is the possibility of rekindling the flame, then you need to not contact them period ever. If they can’t see you, then there is a greater possibility of them missing you and realizing where did he/she go and what have I done?
Some people want to keep their exes on their page for a few reasons. One is that they fear if they unfriend or block them, then the ex will forget about them. That is not likely to happen if someone felt strong intense love feelings about you at one point. The love may fade for a bit, but deep love never really goes away even if both people have broken up and carried on with new separate lives.
The second reason that some want to keep the ex on their page is to get the ex riled up by posting great posts or photos of you moving on in life and having a great time without them. This will make them wonder and potentially make them jealous. The flipside is you may also see them doing the same thing. They may put up posts showing what a great time they’re having as a single person. You might see them post photos of themselves with other potential love interests, or they’ll even change their status to ‘in a relationship’. If you know that you will not get upset or fly into a rage at them over seeing those posts, then it’s safe to keep them on your page. But if you know that you won’t be able to control yourself should you potentially see something that upsetting, then unfriend the ex.
One of the nice features of Facebook specifically is that if you don’t want to unfriend someone for whatever reason, you are given the option to unfollow them or you can hide their posts. There is a button in the upper right hand corner that allows you to hide someone’s posts. This shows their posts to you infrequently or not at all for a lengthy period of time. The person you do that to will not know you’ve done that and they will still remain in your friends list. What that also means is they will rarely if ever see your posts either.
You may choose to take no action at all and just leave them on your social media account knowing that you might consider getting back together with them at a later date if that becomes an option. This will not prevent your ex from choosing to hide your posts, unfollow you, or unfriend, and possibly block you. There could be three potential reasons as to why they might have done that. Two of those reasons might be concerning, while the third reason works in your favor.
If they choose to hide your posts, unfollow, unfriend, or block you, then that’s because they’re officially done with you, are moving on, and want no contact with you. The other reason is they don’t want to have to worry about what they’re posting and if it will upset you. The third reason, which is more in your favor in this case, is that they’ve done that because it’s too painful to have you in front of them all the time on social media since they still have deep intense feelings for you. Or they don’t want to get emotionally upset if you post something that could rile them up. Of course there is no real way to know which one of those is the reason they would’ve done that. All you can do is stand back, disappear, go on with life, and let time pass to see what ends up transpiring as a result or not.
Do not check out your exes social media page. Stay away from their page, no matter how tempted you are to see what’s going on. Also, don’t like and especially do not comment on their posts. Do the best you can to ignore the posts and scroll past it on your wall. I know you may have a tough time following that, but do the best you can. Checking out your exes page causes psychological distress, lowers your vibration, and tampers with your well-being. The distress expands the more you still want them or the more trouble have with moving on. You need to look at it as if the connection is done, over, the end.
As someone who has been around the block quite a bit, with that comes an enormous amount of experience. I have had exes come back, so I’m not just blowing around hot air. I generally stick to discussing content that I’ve experienced firsthand, then I pass it onto you or anyone interested. One of my exes came back to me three weeks after our break up, then again after a year and a half went by. Another ex I was involved with broke up with me. Three and a half years later passed and we ended up back together again and the relationship was better the second time around and lasted longer. Another ex came looking for me thirteen years after we broke up, and another ex of mine came looking for me twenty-years later. I know that’s a quite a number of exes, but to be clear there have been six long term relationships. And the point is that every single one of my exes came back.
What did I do to get the exes back? Nothing. I wasn’t trying to get back with them. I moved on. I ignored them. I worked on forgetting about them. I continued on living life. The not seeing me or hearing from me indefinitely was beyond dreadful to them apparently. Maybe they didn’t know how to be in a relationship at the time when we were together, maybe they made a mistake breaking up, but in the end they all realized they could not have me permanently gone. What does that do for me? What if I’m not okay with that?
In the beginning, after the break up I did disappear. There was no way in Hell I was going to have their life shit in front of me. However, because so much time had passed after the break ups with my exes, any painful wounds on my part had healed, so it didn’t bother me on a negative emotional level to have them wanting to hang around and be in contact at a much later date. I didn’t care if they were on a date with someone because I had zero interest in wanting them back.
If you’re not in that space yet where that would be okay for you, then unfriend the ex from social media, or at least hide their posts so that you never see what they’re posting, but they’re still in your friends list. You have to emotionally train yourself to be strong, have resilience, not contact them, and stay away. Over time, if the relationship is intended to evolve into a new brighter relationship AFTER you’ve both healed and worked on yourselves, then that will happen naturally on its own time.
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Posted on November 5, 2017, in Empowerment, Kevin Hunter, Kevin Hunter Author Writer, Self-help, Spirituality, Spirituality For Men and tagged Break ups social media ex, Dating 101, Dude 101, Kevin Hunter, Kevin Hunter author, Love advice, love expert, Social Media exes. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.
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