Ask Jagger: Guy on Grindr is Difficult to Make Plans With

Dear Jagger,

I met up with this guy a few weeks ago via grindr. It was just a casual encounter, but somehow I feel like I’m developing feelings for him. I’ve been trying to hang out with him again, not just for a hookup, but it hasn’t happened yet. He will text back and hold a conversation but he’s always too busy to do anything. I’m starting to wonder if he’s avoiding me or not interested. It’s a strange situation since I’m bisexual and haven’t had strong feelings for a male before, and he’s not completely sure whether he is gay or not. I’m not sure how to tell him I want to get to know him more without coming on too strong. I’m also wondering if I should ask him if he wants me to stop contacting him because he’s been very difficult to make plans with. 

Dear Sam,

From the timeline when your email was sent and in estimating when you connected with this guy, this was around Mid-March during the Mercury Retrograde phase.  Everyone is unavailable and unable to pin down a date to connect during that transit.  Now that we are passed all of that I’m curious to know if he’s come around as the probability is likely or he that he would have just fallen to the wayside.

All planetary talk aside:

You both have a common thread going on at this juncture in your lives.  You are both in an exploring phase testing the waters to find out what it is you both want and are attracted to.

It can be difficult to resist a physical connection with someone you have just met, but typically when that is how a relationship starts that’s usually where it ends.  There are exceptions to that rule of course, but I don’t speak in specifics.

You have been meeting more than half way attempting to meet with him again.  He is not being responsive so the best thing to do would be to back off.  Let him know you’re interested in hanging out instead of going out, but that you are going to leave the ball in his court.  Let him also know that if he’s interested in hanging out, then to hit you up.  I would not imply that you want to go out on a date as that will scare him off.  With this one you’ll have to ease him in slowly as if he’s just a friend.  You’ll have a chance to get to know him better on a friend basis if he agrees.  When someone is really interested in you, then they are going to let you know.  Even if they are too busy, they will suggest something like, “This is a busy week, but I am available next week on Tuesday and would love to do get together.”

Grindr can be a great way to meet people, but many people on there may not have the relationship seeking intentions that you might have.  It’s not impossible, but unfortunately the odds are slim.  The majority of those guys tend to be looking to get it on more than anything else.  The connections are typically short lived.


If you have a question you’d like answered specifically around dating, relationships, love or any other pressing issue then shoot an email to “Ask Jagger” at  Be sure to leave certain information that you feel applies to your case whether you’re straight, gay, male or female.  Your name will not be used unless you approve.

All advice and information is intended as a general guide and for entertainment purposes only.   It should not be a replacement for treatment.

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About Kevin Hunter


Posted on April 16, 2013, in Advice Column, Ask Jagger, Dude Lit, Gay, Love and Relationships, Male Friendships and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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