Ask Jagger: I Had a Hookup That Grew More Serious and Ended Abruptly

Dear Jagger,

I just got out of an 8 month long relationship…it was on and off though and had a lot of drama…mostly my fault. After things just ended so quickly, I tried to just be friends with him. I texted and waited in front of his place and even bought basketball tickets, which I had to just sell off immediately for a lower price. In the end, when I asked him if he wanted to see me, he said no.

 

This is my first serious relationship ever, where it started out as a hookup and ended up being more serious. We were very physically active as well. Thinking back, I just realize that I missed out on a really great guy. He said he liked me at first and wanted to date me. He bought dinners. If only I had a time machine to go back and smack myself. Both of us were not out, although I was still experimenting and he had more experience with guys than I did. I guess what was devastating for me is that things ended so quickly. It’s only been over a week since we last talked where I finally realized that he did not want to see me anymore, but I still have thoughts of us getting back together and about the good times we had. Maybe because it’s still new and he was my first serious relationship, but I don’t know whether I can get over this guy. He was able to find another guy, which he seems serious about. I also hooked up with other guys as well, which I am not proud of. I guess I just need more time.

How do you move on from serious heartbreak?

Brian.

Dear Brian,

I don’t want to diminish the feelings you had, but 8 months is not a long term relationship.  It’s dating.  Dating is the process of elimination and you date someone to see if you’re both a match and to see if it can develop into a serious relationship down the line.  If there was drama that soon into it, then that is a red flag.  You can’t go into a new dating situation with drama.  There is no way for him to get into something serious with someone that quickly.  That’s not serious, but terminal.

You had a brief hot, passionate affair that burned out abruptly.  When the union is based primarily on passion then that can bring out the drama.  You were attracted to the rush, excitement and newness of this and displayed fears that it would end.  With the next guy, don’t get attached too quickly as easy as that can be.  Communicate.  Make sure you’re both facing forward in the same direction and have the same interests.  Right now you’re missing the fun you two had, but as trite as this will sound, over time that will fade.  Don’t contact him and remove all traces of him.  You’ll find someone else to have fun with where there won’t be any drama.

This ended abruptly and you both immediately had sex with other people instead of working out your issues.  He got a whiff of this drama and said that this isn’t something he’s interested involved in.  He made his choice and is being smart.  You need to take a step back and take the lessons you’ve learned from this as not all dating scenarios are meant to go the distance.  This is why we date often and have several relationships or sometimes more before the real deal comes in because by then you’ve had enough experience on knowing what to do, what not to do as well as what you’ll tolerate up front and what you won’t.

If you have a question you’d like answered specifically around dating, relationships, love or any other pressing issue then shoot an email to “Ask Jagger” at dudelit@gmail.com  Be sure to leave certain information that you feel applies to your case whether you’re straight, gay, male or female.  Your name will not be used unless you approve.

Jagger is featured in the books “Jagger’s Revolution” about finding his current relationship and Jagger’s dating hand guide, “Dude 101“.  Jagger is the dark alter ego of writer Kevin Hunter. All advice and information is intended as a general guide and for entertainment purposes only. 

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Copyright © 2012 Kevin Hunter

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Posted on November 14, 2012, in Advice Column, Ask Jagger, Ask Kevin Hunter, Dude Lit, Gay, Kevin Hunter Author Writer and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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