Once a cheater, always a cheater; Adultery, Monogamy & Open Relationships – Dude 101
Posted by Kevin Hunter
Once a cheater, always a cheater
Adultery was once punishable by law and as severe as imprisonment and the death penalty. It’s frowned upon and close ones ostracize you. Those who cheat can be gay or straight, male or female, religious or atheist, Republican or Democrat. There is no way to determine who is more likely to cheat and who would be monogamous.
A man who is seen as a player or who gets around can be the one who is monogamous for life when he meets the right person. A guy who has had minimal experience and not that many partners and appears to be a good natured moral citizen can be the one that ends up cheating.
They used to brand you with the Scarlet Letter “A” for ‘Adulterer.’ Having that around can definitely help on our search and in whom to rule out.
I have to take matters into my own hands. Cheating is an addiction, like drugs, alcohol and sex. It has even been linked to a mental disorder. If you’re an alcoholic whose hit rock bottom and sought out help, I commend you, but you’ll never fool me into believing that the thought of picking up a drink never occurs to you. It’s inescapable that when things get too tough you crumble and reach out to the one thing that gave you comfort five years ago.
It isn’t the physical involvement with someone other than your mate. It’s also kissing, flirting, trading and sharing those racy photos of yourself with this private conquest that you keep hidden out of view from me. You’re sloppy about it and I catch you. I burn your clothes and throw you out. You break it off with the suitor and ask me for forgiveness. I take you back, but you’ve become risky material to get involved with, not to mention used meat. You’re incapable of being in a faithful relationship. You took a bite into the apple and fell into this other guy’s bed giving indication of what you’ll have no problem doing again.
You see, cheating is like any malady, except it’s dishonest. Some do it because their guy doesn’t satisfy them sexually or neglects them emotionally. Some do it because of a lack of confidence or they like the attention from someone new. To say it won’t happen again is a cop out, because it will. You can’t escape the pain and conflict within you that drives you to seek out affections from another. Instead of getting yourself dirty in the symbolic sense and doing the real work in fixing your relationship, you give into temptation and emerge with this man that you’ve kept hidden from me. You open up Pandora’s Box and the flood gates open. It’s too late to have an honest discussion, because you’re already in the doghouse.
What did Jesus say, “If you’ve done it in your mind, you’ve already done it.”
Infidelity is the most unforgivable, over murder. The bottom line is, you cheat on me then you ain’t leavin’ until the cops show up.
You don’t know how it happened. You were in the same room with him. You got to talking and he filled that void inside of you that the guy you were supposed to be the most intimate with wasn’t giving you. You did it and you’ve begun an emotional affair. You have low self-esteem and self worth. The only way out is to emerge with a totally new person to see if that guy can fulfill you in the way your boyfriend isn’t doing. Your new bitch will never be able to match that.
Cheating is not a topic taken lightly no matter which side of the fence you sit on. There are cultures that use their old fashioned philosophies as a badge of honor and a sense of entitlement to have more than one spouse. The same way there are those that believe in open relationships. You know the kind, where you’re involved with a dude who doesn’t satisfy you 100% of the time, and you take on these others in addition to your main squeeze to fulfill that missing piece in you.
Open relationships should be called what they are, friends with benefits. Open relationships are not real relationships.
If you’re dating or involved with a guy and you find yourself in a situation that could potentially jeopardize what you have, then gain enough willpower to extricate yourself from the situation. If you’re questioning following through with someone new, then there are issues within you that you need to be able to discuss with your partner. Setting off to cheat and crossing that invisible line will lead to irrevocable damage to your relationship.
If you find it difficult to be with one person, well you don’t have to be, but be honest to the one you’re with ahead of time so there are no surprises. There’s no question that people grow apart, but marriages and relationships are filled with peaks and valleys, it’s always going to be high’s and low’s. If it’s continuously in the slumps and you’ve both been indefinitely down in the valley, then it’s time to become an adult and take some mature steps to graciously ending it.
Couples grow too far apart and are unable to mend what’s been long dead. Unable to work through it with some form of counseling and all means necessary. Re-create your honeymoon for a long weekend together or take a week to not speak to one another for complete solace and space and assist in giving you the clarity you both need.
Try putting the moves on him if you want sex. If he doesn’t put out and keeps resisting, then bring it up. It’s common for couples to go through a dry spell. They get comfortable in the routine together and stop being passionate.
Frank kept Daniel on the side while he developed a friendship with another potential behind his back. He abruptly changed his status to ‘in a relationship’ with the new guy and didn’t tell Daniel. Daniel found out by seeing the change.
Most would be angry or hurt to find that their love was emotionally invested in another over finding out they fucked them. All found both a crime, but when forced to choose they all went with the emotional affair being the worst slight.
Okay, okay you slept with someone else, fine, whatever I don’t want to know, but you’re invested emotionally, now we have problems. One is not better than the other because you’ve taken one foot outside your relationship. You’re relationship is over.
Infidelity is universal and no one approves of it except the cheater, although often times the swindler is experiencing their own anxiety and torment over what they feel pulled to do. It’s not that the bond is broken, but the one that was deceived feels they devoted time into a worthless cause. They begin to rebuild themselves and their life back up. They didn’t do anything erroneous, but the one they chose to be with did to their relationship. This isn’t to say that the one being swindled on is a saint either. There are other motives people have when they stray. The guy they are with isn’t satisfying them enough in any way or they are cruel. Either care about the relationship enough to improve it or end it.
As someone who was cheated on once said, “Whoever said how high the road should be, should be shot.”
You’ve kicked your lover to the curb because they were fucking someone else. Get back out there on your own and willfully bring along this baggage with you. You have more to strip away than the cheater, but you’ll be that much stronger and gettable. Your man inflicted harm out of a selfish need because either his desires weren’t being met or he was horny. The treachery hurts because of the love you had once felt for him. Once he’s dated or been intimate with another, the bond is broken and difficult to repair. With the billions of people in the world why would you take him back when you can be with a man who would never consider doing that?
One way to begin recovery is to fuck someone better. This will be easier for you to do, as you will likely get an improved partner since you were previously with a dog. You’re vulnerable and susceptibility is attractive to new guys who want to romance you. It shows the potential suitor you’re committed because you’ve made it known to the world how strongly you feel about those that betray you.
Avoid attracting a similar guy in and repeating the cycle. If you do, this is a karmic thread concern that you need to break by learning your lesson and knowing your worth.
You work it out and don’t walk away. You put on a fighter mentality with everything including your relationships. It should be sink or swim with you and you should choose to swim.
Excerpt from “Dude 101“
About Kevin HunterAuthor
Posted on August 19, 2012, in Dude Lit, Dude Literature, Kevin Hunter Author Writer, Love and Relationships, Love/Sex/Marriage, Social Science, Sociology, Trashy Beach Reads, Young Adults and tagged Adultery, Cheating, Infidelity, marriage, Monogamy, Open relationship, relationships. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.